Grieving the loss of mom

Losing my mom has been one of the most challenging things I have experienced. I didn’t feel this hard even when I lost my dad four years ago because my mom was there to support me emotionally and to grieve through that loss. Once my mom passed away, all the grieving I didn’t process for my dad came back, and now, I feel like I’m grieving both losses simultaneously. They say grief comes in waves, and I agree with that saying. Whenever I’m alone at home, I get reminded of her phone calls and the advice she used to give. Even though I don’t always agree with all her advice, she never stopped giving me advice or wisdom based on her experiences.

I started understanding why she gave all that advice as I got older. My mom genuinely cared for me and wanted me to be happy. Only for the past few years, I tried to give her extra grace whenever she gave advice, and I also noticed that she was trying to do the same. She always enjoyed reading the Bible and dedicated time every day to do that, and she has completed reading the entire Bible several times. My mom used to share whatever she learned from the Bible to encourage me. She was a strong woman who relied on God to care for her after my dad passed away. She also encouraged me to do the same whenever I faced life challenges.

A couple of weeks before she passed away, she woke up early in the morning to pray for our trip to Chicago. She knew she didn’t have the strength like before, so she needed extra prayers that day to go on the flight. I still remember the joy on her face when she sat at the window seat looking down from the flight because she had the opportunity to spend time with her daughter and grandchildren. I never thought that would be my last time with her on the flight. Before I flew back to Sacramento, my mom insisted on taking pictures with her, even though we had taken many pictures the previous day. It seemed like she knew she was going to heaven in two weeks, so she wanted to make sure I had a picture with her for my memory.

I usually call my mom when I don’t have anyone to talk to, and she was always there to listen to me. Now, I don’t have anyone who will sacrifice their time, like my mom. I know I have God to whom I can talk anytime, but I miss having someone on this earth to talk to. I still have family and friends, but they are not the same as having a mom. As part of the grieving process, I remember my childhood days with my mom, and there are so many good memories to cherish that I took for granted as a kid. Sometimes I feel like going back to my childhood days, so I don’t have to endure the pain of losing her.

As a child, I remember Christmas with my mom, dad, and siblings used to be very special. We were not rich enough to get a lot of clothes during the year, but we all got new clothes during Christmas. We used to leave early in the morning for the church service and eat delicious food. My mom and dad spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking Christmas breakfast and lunch. My parents also invited poor people to come to the home and fed them with cake and Christmas meals, which used to be our tradition every year. I took a road trip to New Mexico and that brought back many memories of our childhood road trips with my parents and siblings. At that age, I never thought I would one day become an adult and lose my parents. Maybe I would have cherished that moment even more if I had known this would happen. These are some memories that come and go every day.

I recently looked at my hair and got reminded of my mom. My mom used to have healthy and thick hair, and my hair reminds me of her. She made so many sacrifices, one of which is she stayed in the same location while my dad traveled for work so we could get good education. My mom used to wake up early and cook breakfast for us before heading to school. There was not a single day that she missed waking up early. It is hard to see such love, which was a sacrificial love. A mother is there to listen to us when no one else does. A mother is the only one other than God who looks out for the best, overlooks our weaknesses, and loves us unconditionally. This article is a tribute to my mom as I’m grieving her loss.
I miss you so much, mom. I know you are with dad and God in heaven. I can’t wait to see you in heaven!